Temperament just might be the best-kept secret in parenting. Timid or bold, easily frightened or able to adapt to anything, each of us has a different temperament, including even the tiniest babies.

“When I figured out my son’s temperament and how much it differed from my own, it literally changed my life,” the mom of a recent Zale grad said. “I am now so much more able to give him the tools he needs to deal with particular situations, and I also know when I need to walk away and give myself some time away from him.”

There is no good or bad temperament, no right or wrong. When parents truly understand the temperament of their children, it changes how they relate to them, impacting everything from routine activities like mealtime and bedtime, to more complex issues, such as how conflicts get resolved. Parents can develop and implement strategies for children to deal with almost any situation.

How can you figure out your child’s temperament? Clues are there as early as 6 to 9 months old, but become more recognizable as children grow older. Observe how your child reacts to various situations. Does he jump into new settings, or hang back, assess what is going on then decide which activity he’d like to try out? Does she make friends easily or is she shy and clingy? Does he thrive on action, or does excessive noise and activity make him anxious? Does she easily transition from one activity to next or have difficulty moving on?  

Take cues from your child; when you know what works for (and against) your child, you are better able to help him function in a variety of situations.  For example, you can give her extra time to get used to what is coming up next.  You can let him know beforehand that you will be in a noisy, chaotic place. You can assure her you’ll stay by her side until she is ready to play with the group. Planning ahead and working with your child’s temperament will make her days, and yours, go more smoothly.

Karen Brenner holds a Bachelor degree in Elementary Education and Special Education and a Masters degrees in Early Childhood Education. She has taught Mommy & Me at Levis JCC Betty & Marvin Zale Early Childhood Learning Center for more than 18 years.