Words matter! Words can hurt or heal, deflate or delight, torment or teach. One of the most important lessons for children early on is how to socialize with their peers. Teachers facilitate this lesson by modeling appropriate language, in various situations, for their students.  Parents can take the lead in a similar fashion.

Often times a child will run to her teacher crying that another child hurt her feelings, took her toy, or pushed her down. A three-year-old’s typical reaction might be to respond physically or to say something mean in return. Giving that child the words to deal with the problem, rather than the intervening, really empowers the wounded party.  

Here are some specific things you can do. For the child whose feelings were hurt when another child called him a baby, for example, you can model a response such as, “I’m not a baby! Don’t call me a baby!”  In the case of someone being pushed, the injured party might say, “You hurt me. Don’t do that again!” The phrase, “I don’t like it when you (fill in the blank)” is one which children can use to diffuse difficult situations. Modeling language that is simple and to the point really gives a young child the tools he needs to handle small problems on his own. Instead of his being a victim, he is now in charge. This can be a foundation for him to build upon as he faces bigger problems in years to come.

Once words are out there, they can’t be taken back. Teaching children that sometimes it’s better to say nothing than to say something hurtful is another valuable lesson. Using language in this way can improve social skills and be a building block to raising a generation that sees less bullying.

The love of language, both spoken and written, should always be a central part of early childhood education, in school and at home. 

Linda Riegelhaupt holds a bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education and has taught Pre-K and 3-year-olds at the Levis JCC Betty & Marvin Zale Early Childhood Learning Center for more than 22 years.